Shades Of Gray
by Lavenderpaw
Summary: I and the other warriors are imprisoned against our will but I,more then anyone else,feels that I am to blame.I don't know who I am anymore or if I'm still destined to hold on to the side of me everyone knows and who everyone looks up to.I just don't know


It's dimly lit where I am,only the cast of grey rays leer down from the gunk covered, barred window.The room in which I and the others are confined to is worse then a prison.Not even animals would want to rest here and yet here is where I find myself.

The odor is faintly like rotting meat,the floors are hard and damp but at least we can move around.That is one right we are granted,another right is to be allowed the right to survive off Fire Nation spoils and to use the restroom facilites for ten minutes daily.

Other then that,I and my fellow warriors dwell within our poorly maintained cells.A close friend of mine has found herself pregnant and must lay down almost constantly on a thin pile of hay in the corner.She weeps every few hours but still the others tend to her care.As for me,I keep my distance and stare bitterly at the mocking threshold.

Just when I think it will open,it does not.We exit and enter through a trapdoor that is on a higher level from the dungeons.A rope ladder is extended down to greet us and we are offered our necessities up there.That is the only time I move during day hours.

At night,I sit down quietly and stare even harder at the door as only the mere outline of it's frame is recognisible.Sometimes the moon is out and it's light aides my sight.I pray for the moonlight at the back of my mind,remembering that that was how I and Sokka were together.Are together.He is my ray of light in otherwise shades of gray.

"Suki,come over here."They will sometimes request me,beg me."We really do need your guidance.Telsha is having an exceptionally hard time today.Speak to her,Suki."

"Look at us,Suki.Please,you can't just stand their forever.It won't do anything good."

But their pleas fall on death ears,their voices rendering little more then thoughts that are meaningless to me.Why are they?I know the old Suki use to care and love for all she met.She was tough,but then she had to be.This was not always a woman's world and it took a born leader to establish authority over others;I was once such a person.

I have no blood family to speak of and now I am driving the only family I have away.

It isn't like I want to but caring is beyond me now.My openess and chartiableness is a weakness in me.But isn't that natural?I'm a young woman who was brought up to a certain standard I had to meet.Still,I felt loved.My hard training awarded me the time for leisure a lot of times.Looking back now it's hard to see why it is we deserved any.

We are fighters,but hardly to the death.Not like the Fire Nation.There is something in them that can be driven out without much provocation.This sort of barbarian nature in them.I don't want to see that in any human being and yet I still don't have a single clue:

Where do you cross the line between justified fighter and wrathful killer?Where is it?

I know that _we_ don't have it in us,or do we?No,I think it's only in Fire Nation.But I am probably wrong,like I was wrong when I thought we could help protect this land.

Land that has been conquered and tainted by hands of hatred.I hate as well.But I've got a reason for to hate.I hate that I was orphaned,I hate that the Fire Nation took my home away from me.By now I'm more then sure our island is not our own any longer.

And here I am,hating everyone and thing.Remaining in this particular spot for such a very long time has dawned a new hate in me.It started from my shoulder,because it was the first place my body hit on the bars and I can still feel it.The throbbing ceased there but only thrusted it's way into my soul.All of my love,except for Sokka,has gone.

I have empthay for Aang,I know how he feels.There's a difference.Symathy is just a kind word for pity and no one wants pity.Not the cowardly nor the courageous want any part of pity but then there's mercy.They'll say pity them only to gain mercifulness.

I'm _sick_ of mercy.I'm _tired _and I'm _weak_.I hate them.I hate them all!Every last one of them.I wonder who I mean.I'm not thinking this or saything this,it's just within me now.

"Suki,"Halo says my name on this day,she speaks soft and gentle as always."I think you better come over to see Telsha."her voice cracks."We don't think she'll make it..."

I tilt my head forward,allowing my shoulder length hair to conceal my face."Get over it.Trust me,it's far better we just let it happen and be done with it.When the guards-"

Instantly,my feet are unrooted and my arms are flailing for balance.There is a burning on my cheek that is worse then if actual fire had pelted it.See,this burning is reaching down into me and trying to undo something that is held unyielding.But what?What is it that this sparking,pinching sensation is trying to undo in me?And do I really deserve it?

I slip on the stone and topple down on my back._She's trying to slap sense into me_.

"You're horrible!"The girl shrieks with fury raise up on my elbows."I can't believe you were once our leader,I can't believe you were once our sister and more then once our mother."I look up at her and the shades of grey through the window show somebody.

It's a difference face,yes.But this girl's brow is knotted roughly and her hazel eyes are flashing with a combination of rage and hurt as she is stares down upon the one person she has always looked up to.In both uses of the word,she now looks down on me.

"Suki."A new yet familiar voice slithers into our walls and for the one minute I've got my eyes off the door,it's suddenly opens and in walks a person lower then dirt itself.

Her hands are clasped behind her back and her Fire Nation attire is bulky but still a slim-fitting onsomble.Strange how I notice this when all I've done is stood or sat like a statue,reflecting on all that had led to our capture.And now,in all her wickedness,she stands here.There was always a loftiness about her but also a knaving undertone about her.When she looks at you,it isn't at you.It's only to try to read what your motives are.

She stands there looking into me with that deathfully golden gaze of hers.The other warriors and especially the poor suffering girl over in the corner mean nothing to her.

"Azula,"I finally greet her,deadpan.

"Let's cut to the chase."The tyrannical younger girl approachs me."You've been here for the last several weeks and you know why that is.It's because you are inobedient."

She cuts around and begins to pace coolly in a perfected marcher's pace,without the marching."That is the sort of thing you learn at an early age but on the rare occasion when you are a useful captive,you may have the privelage to serve as useful officer."

I feel stunned but remain emotionless."Why me and not the rest of the warriors?"

"Simple,they are nothing without you and anyone who can instill that sort of need in others are worth a second look over.I'm not saying it happens very often,"she strikes me with an intense stare over her shoulder."Because it doesn't and it never will again for you if you reject my gift.You are nice but you have cold-blood residing with you.

Cold blood that will be perfect for many ranks around the world.And believe me,were needing a lot of them.From the moment I met you,I knew we were not quite different."

I stood stiller as she passed,my cheek still stung and I suddenly realised I was back on my feet.She hadn't seen me on the floor!Azula hadn't seen Halo's assault towards me.I could seal that away,I could let that little incident be the ticket I needed to finally leave.

"The choice is yours,"Azula rounded about and perched herself on a nearby chair."I don't have all day and I'm pretty sure that spot on your face won't heal that fast,Suki."

Fear strikes me almost as hard as the hand had."How'd you figure-?"

"Nevermind that.When one person acts in disloyality,you must punish them ten fold."

"What?"I ask as I slowly awaken from the binding of disdain that truly imprisioned me.

It wasn't this dark,horrid cell.It had been my own selfishness,I could've had my family.

"Is there an echo?"she asks sarcastically,pointing but not looking at the fifteen-year-old girl off to the side of me."Make an example out of her and her pitiful retaliation."

_Pitiful_.I turn to look at my old friend and she shrinks back from me._It's not the same as merciful_._Mercy is what anyone would want to feel,pity is never wanted felt_.

Inside of myself,with my eyes away from hers so she cannot see my conspiring,I give a dramatic sway of my body and plants my hands solidly onto the slimy coated floor and bend my body so that I am hopefully at the right angle.I can't believe this is happening.

"My queen,"I say solemnly."I bow to your excellency and refute my alliegence to any other nation beside your own.In doing so,I surrender over myself and all my warriors."

The expected gasps of horror are almost in perfect sequenece and the once gloom dungeon,now grows even gloomer.They hated me now,it was like all the hate I'd once harboured was drained from my being and spread to them in a lesser amount of time then myself.However,I can sense Azula rising up and walking up to standing over me.

"You swear this meaningfully."she approves."I knew from the moment I laid eyes-"

From the draining of my hate,fatigue is consuming me fast and so with the heart of a Suki everyone had once admired,I stand on my hands and hammer my bare feet into both her sides/Time stands still as I await true fire to pierce my flesh and yet,it doesn't.

I hold on for dear life as there are the shouts that only emit from that of riots and the last thing I remember before Azula thrusts my head into the smelling,damp stone that knocks me clear out of consciousness,is someone's smile through the shades of gray.

"The closest you got to see Yue that night was when were together in front of the moon,"Sokka takes me in his arms and craddles me close."That's the closest you're going to get to her.I'm not going to lose you,Suki.Not now and not ever.I promise."

The End.


End file.
